well, *sigh*, i failed. after we came back from vacation i just quit. and i had been doing so well!!! alas, such is life. since then i have just let all the other good work i had been doing go by the wayside as well- the chores, the healthy eating, all of it! gone. i am so very disappointed in myself. this is the perpetual cycle that i find myself in. i do so well for a time, but then i go off track, WAY off track, and set myself back worse than i was in the first place. i know that i'm really hard on myself, but i've been doing this over and over for so many years, i can't help but be frustrated with my own stupidity.
so tomorrow i am starting fresh. i am determined to do it this time!! i'm not setting any lofty goals, but rather a few small, manageable pounds at a time. i am going to track all of my calories and weigh in each day. i always like to think that i can achieve these goals without these tedious steps, but even though i know better, i don't stick to the goals i set unless i keep track of every little thing. boo hiss. so here we are at the beginning again.
tomorrow morning i will start with a weigh-in for the diet, and a basal temperature taken for my fertility tracking. it's amazing how many great tools i have at my disposal that i don't use on a regular basis. i will keep blogging because i really enjoy it. that's where i'm at right now.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
the happiest moments are simple
my husband wrote this today, and he wanted me to share it. i think it is absolutely beautiful. my dear ryan, i love you so very much.
The Best Day of my Life (so far):
Today was the best day of life. There are quite a few reasons this might have been true. My beautiful wife and daughter are happy and healthy, I just got a new job, I'm building a new 'dream rig' super-geek computer, we just had a great vacation to see our friends and family back in MN, but none of these big things are the reason. Today we went out for a wonderful brunch, took a peaceful nap together, played together at Monkey Joe's (a bouncy-castle amusement park), and Ann and I even won Audrey a plush toy playing skee-ball and some Buck Rogers version of roulette-for-tickets, but none of these little things are the reason either. The reason this is the best day of my life is a single thought I had about twenty minutes ago. We can have a day like today whenever we want. I grew up in a family where days like today, family vacations, and even simple affections were a rare and wonderful thing. I now have a family where these are not only possible, they are almost prosaic. Somehow that doesn't diminish their sweetness even one tiny bit. Just yesterday Audrey said 'bye-bye da-da' for the first time in her life and it almost broke my heart. What I realized twenty minutes ago is that these are not isolated occurrences.. Ann, Audrey and I can have a perfect day anytime we want, whether we're on vacation or just sitting at home watching Sprout. Yesterday was the best day of my life (so far) as well. I think tomorrow will be too.
Ryan
The Best Day of my Life (so far):
Today was the best day of life. There are quite a few reasons this might have been true. My beautiful wife and daughter are happy and healthy, I just got a new job, I'm building a new 'dream rig' super-geek computer, we just had a great vacation to see our friends and family back in MN, but none of these big things are the reason. Today we went out for a wonderful brunch, took a peaceful nap together, played together at Monkey Joe's (a bouncy-castle amusement park), and Ann and I even won Audrey a plush toy playing skee-ball and some Buck Rogers version of roulette-for-tickets, but none of these little things are the reason either. The reason this is the best day of my life is a single thought I had about twenty minutes ago. We can have a day like today whenever we want. I grew up in a family where days like today, family vacations, and even simple affections were a rare and wonderful thing. I now have a family where these are not only possible, they are almost prosaic. Somehow that doesn't diminish their sweetness even one tiny bit. Just yesterday Audrey said 'bye-bye da-da' for the first time in her life and it almost broke my heart. What I realized twenty minutes ago is that these are not isolated occurrences.. Ann, Audrey and I can have a perfect day anytime we want, whether we're on vacation or just sitting at home watching Sprout. Yesterday was the best day of my life (so far) as well. I think tomorrow will be too.
Ryan
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
midnight screams and other tales of woe
vacation didn't involve much exercising, despite my planning. oh well. i decided to cut myself some slack since it was vacation and all. i did end up doing my miles 2 out of the 4 days we were gone, albeit unintentionally. (fear not, stories to follow.) the car ride went really well, although i'm pretty sure that audrey only slept for 30 min of the 7 hour ride. she wasn't even fussy until the last half an hour, but at that point, tempers were pretty short all around. we all settled in nicely at my mother-in-law's house, since she was out of town for the weekend. i ran to the grocery store; we didn't feel like hauling milk and string cheese across the country. when i got back, all was peaceful, though ryan said aud had peeped a bit about 20 min after she settled down, but was quiet after that. waking up again is pretty unusual for her, but i chalked it up to being stuck in a pack n play that was jammed in a spare bedroom instead of her crib at home.
a few hours later when ry and i decided to turn in, i was getting a little nervous about being able to hear audrey if she cried out since i was sleeping next to an air conditioner running at full blast. ryan decided to go in and check on her one last time. he immediately returned with wide eyes reporting that she had pooped. my heart sank. was i supposed to wake up a baby that had finally settled down in a strange place because my husband thought that she might have pooped? i needed to check for myself. i leaned over my angel- she was out cold. i sniffed- she smelled alright. there was a faint odor in the room, but the house in general had a strange scent, so i decided that everything was ok. i wasn't going to wake up a sleeping baby when obviously she was perfectly fine. so, to bed we went, though the churning in the pit of my stomach continued.
as i layed on the cement slab my mother-in-law insisted was a bed, questions kept nagging. would i be able to hear audrey if she needed me? what if she had pooped? was she going to wake up scared in the night? was i even ever going to get to sleep? i did my best to settle in, and started my usual evening prayer. (i still say the children's prayer that hung on a plaque in my room growing up. it now hangs in audrey's room and i say it with her each night too.) WWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! i instantly emitted a sigh of relief. at the very least i knew that hearing her cry wasn't anything to worry about. ryan got up to give aud a kiss and assure her that all was going to be fine. i reminded him to check on the poop situation. he came back a few minutes later, she had calmed down, and the status report was again poop-free. i still couldn't shake the nagging i felt, it wasn't normal for her to cry out so much if she was ok. hmmm.... back to my prayer. "dear lord, if audrey needs me, please let her tell me." no more than 15 minutes later i got my answer.
ryan had all but passed out the minute his head hit the pillow, so when audrey cried out again, he did his best to mumble the declaration that it was my turn. so it was. i got up figuring it would be a quick trip and left my glasses tucked under the bed. the minute i picked audrey up i knew that she needed to be changed. my worst fears had been realized. so there i was in a dark, unfamiliar house with no glasses, a screaming baby, and creaky, hardwood stairs that are begging for someone to plummet to their death. naturally the diapers and wipes were still zipped in a suitcase, too. i screamed for help. thankfully ryan is super dad and came to my rescue immediately, even thoug i'm sure he was out cold. disaster averted. the only problems remaining were trying to remember to buy more butt paste (i had used about 6 pounds trying to prevent a rash after the littles having to wear a dirty diaper for 4 hours) and getting a traumatized baby back to sleep. well, i had yet to do my 2 miles for the day anyway. i walked and rocked that sweet, little girl for almost an hour. i doubt that that was my full 2 miles, but i didn't really care at that point. i finally made it to bed around 2 am. it was a really long night.
i skipped my exercise on saturday, but walked all over hell and back in my wedding shoes on sunday, so i'm counting sunday as a successful exercise day too. my calves were on fire after standing, dancing, and tromping around on 4 inch heels for 7 hours. i took yesterday off as well, i needed a break. the car trip home was less desirable than the trip there. audrey didn't want to be in her carseat anymore, but whenever we tried to stop she didn't want to do anything at the places we were either. she was just at the end of her rope after 4 days away. i think that's pretty reasonable. we were all ready to be home again.
today was a great day of getting back to our usual schedule. like normal, i was ready for naptime long before audrey was. we just relaxed and enjoyed being home again. i was supposed to go to the grocery store, but decided to defrost some of the lasagna that i made last week and deal with the store tomorrow. as i found myself enjoying the quiet evening after audrey had gone to bed (without a peep, mind you), i remembered this blog and my goals. a good portion of me thought, "who cares? no one's reading this anyway. you already skipped 2 days, so you didn't make your goal as it is!" my inner demons came screaming out. i watched the cubs game, procrastinating further. then i looked throught the on-demand movies and found "the secret life of bees." i had read the book a while back, and really wanted to see the movie. so i rented it. but then i paused it. the house was still a mess, and i knew that i wouldn't want to deal with that later, so i decided to pick up first. drat!! my rational side was getting the better of me. i supposed i had better just do my 2 miles and then watch the movie. so here i am, 2 miles complete, movie watched, back on track! it feels so good to be back to the grind.
days remaining: 22
on a non-exercise related note, when i was out at the grocery store earlier friday evening, i decided that i wanted to go look at my condo by myself. at first i had asked ryan to come with me, but the more i thought about it, the more i wanted to be alone. it was my place, no one else's. i wanted to say goodbye in my own way. as i pulled in the parking lot i noticed some of the same cars from when i lived there. not much had changed. i had butterflies in my stomach, and was starting to doubt my coming. maybe i didn't want to do this by myself, maybe i didn't want to see the place at all. i had a case of divine intervention again (well, technically this was first, and audrey crying out was later, but i'm telling it out of order in this blog.) my key didn't work. i tried 3 doors, testing each multiple times. i thought about waiting around for someone to let me in the outside door, but you need a key to get on each floor, so i thought i might be stuck there too. i took it as a sign that i wasn't meant to be there. that time in my life was over, sealed sadly by the forcloseure on the condo that i could no longer get into. perhaps it had been cleared out already. i didn't know, and i guess it really doesn't matter. i had wonderful memories there, both in minneapolis and in my condo. i will always miss my friends. but i am so happy with my life right now! that in itself is such a foreign feeling for me.
so i sign off for the evening with a hint of nostalgia for a time that i once enjoyed, and gladness filling my heart for the life i have now.
a few hours later when ry and i decided to turn in, i was getting a little nervous about being able to hear audrey if she cried out since i was sleeping next to an air conditioner running at full blast. ryan decided to go in and check on her one last time. he immediately returned with wide eyes reporting that she had pooped. my heart sank. was i supposed to wake up a baby that had finally settled down in a strange place because my husband thought that she might have pooped? i needed to check for myself. i leaned over my angel- she was out cold. i sniffed- she smelled alright. there was a faint odor in the room, but the house in general had a strange scent, so i decided that everything was ok. i wasn't going to wake up a sleeping baby when obviously she was perfectly fine. so, to bed we went, though the churning in the pit of my stomach continued.
as i layed on the cement slab my mother-in-law insisted was a bed, questions kept nagging. would i be able to hear audrey if she needed me? what if she had pooped? was she going to wake up scared in the night? was i even ever going to get to sleep? i did my best to settle in, and started my usual evening prayer. (i still say the children's prayer that hung on a plaque in my room growing up. it now hangs in audrey's room and i say it with her each night too.) WWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! i instantly emitted a sigh of relief. at the very least i knew that hearing her cry wasn't anything to worry about. ryan got up to give aud a kiss and assure her that all was going to be fine. i reminded him to check on the poop situation. he came back a few minutes later, she had calmed down, and the status report was again poop-free. i still couldn't shake the nagging i felt, it wasn't normal for her to cry out so much if she was ok. hmmm.... back to my prayer. "dear lord, if audrey needs me, please let her tell me." no more than 15 minutes later i got my answer.
ryan had all but passed out the minute his head hit the pillow, so when audrey cried out again, he did his best to mumble the declaration that it was my turn. so it was. i got up figuring it would be a quick trip and left my glasses tucked under the bed. the minute i picked audrey up i knew that she needed to be changed. my worst fears had been realized. so there i was in a dark, unfamiliar house with no glasses, a screaming baby, and creaky, hardwood stairs that are begging for someone to plummet to their death. naturally the diapers and wipes were still zipped in a suitcase, too. i screamed for help. thankfully ryan is super dad and came to my rescue immediately, even thoug i'm sure he was out cold. disaster averted. the only problems remaining were trying to remember to buy more butt paste (i had used about 6 pounds trying to prevent a rash after the littles having to wear a dirty diaper for 4 hours) and getting a traumatized baby back to sleep. well, i had yet to do my 2 miles for the day anyway. i walked and rocked that sweet, little girl for almost an hour. i doubt that that was my full 2 miles, but i didn't really care at that point. i finally made it to bed around 2 am. it was a really long night.
i skipped my exercise on saturday, but walked all over hell and back in my wedding shoes on sunday, so i'm counting sunday as a successful exercise day too. my calves were on fire after standing, dancing, and tromping around on 4 inch heels for 7 hours. i took yesterday off as well, i needed a break. the car trip home was less desirable than the trip there. audrey didn't want to be in her carseat anymore, but whenever we tried to stop she didn't want to do anything at the places we were either. she was just at the end of her rope after 4 days away. i think that's pretty reasonable. we were all ready to be home again.
today was a great day of getting back to our usual schedule. like normal, i was ready for naptime long before audrey was. we just relaxed and enjoyed being home again. i was supposed to go to the grocery store, but decided to defrost some of the lasagna that i made last week and deal with the store tomorrow. as i found myself enjoying the quiet evening after audrey had gone to bed (without a peep, mind you), i remembered this blog and my goals. a good portion of me thought, "who cares? no one's reading this anyway. you already skipped 2 days, so you didn't make your goal as it is!" my inner demons came screaming out. i watched the cubs game, procrastinating further. then i looked throught the on-demand movies and found "the secret life of bees." i had read the book a while back, and really wanted to see the movie. so i rented it. but then i paused it. the house was still a mess, and i knew that i wouldn't want to deal with that later, so i decided to pick up first. drat!! my rational side was getting the better of me. i supposed i had better just do my 2 miles and then watch the movie. so here i am, 2 miles complete, movie watched, back on track! it feels so good to be back to the grind.
days remaining: 22
on a non-exercise related note, when i was out at the grocery store earlier friday evening, i decided that i wanted to go look at my condo by myself. at first i had asked ryan to come with me, but the more i thought about it, the more i wanted to be alone. it was my place, no one else's. i wanted to say goodbye in my own way. as i pulled in the parking lot i noticed some of the same cars from when i lived there. not much had changed. i had butterflies in my stomach, and was starting to doubt my coming. maybe i didn't want to do this by myself, maybe i didn't want to see the place at all. i had a case of divine intervention again (well, technically this was first, and audrey crying out was later, but i'm telling it out of order in this blog.) my key didn't work. i tried 3 doors, testing each multiple times. i thought about waiting around for someone to let me in the outside door, but you need a key to get on each floor, so i thought i might be stuck there too. i took it as a sign that i wasn't meant to be there. that time in my life was over, sealed sadly by the forcloseure on the condo that i could no longer get into. perhaps it had been cleared out already. i didn't know, and i guess it really doesn't matter. i had wonderful memories there, both in minneapolis and in my condo. i will always miss my friends. but i am so happy with my life right now! that in itself is such a foreign feeling for me.
so i sign off for the evening with a hint of nostalgia for a time that i once enjoyed, and gladness filling my heart for the life i have now.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
i. am. exhausted.
days remaining: 28
i sure am thankful that i had the sense to take a walk this afternoon. or perhaps that's why i am so dang tired tonight! either way, my 2 miles are complete and i have the evening to myself. granted, there are about a million things i should be doing to get ready for this weekend. clean the car, clean the house, pack some things, do the laundry.... the list goes on. i think i'll go to bed instead.
so very sleepy zzzzzzzzz.............
i sure am thankful that i had the sense to take a walk this afternoon. or perhaps that's why i am so dang tired tonight! either way, my 2 miles are complete and i have the evening to myself. granted, there are about a million things i should be doing to get ready for this weekend. clean the car, clean the house, pack some things, do the laundry.... the list goes on. i think i'll go to bed instead.
so very sleepy zzzzzzzzz.............
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
september already?!
this exercise business is getting a little bit easier. (i hate to admit it, but that's sort of the point.)
days remaining: 29
i keep looking ahead to our trip to minnesota in a few days, and it makes me a bit nervous. i am really going to have to stay focused. it is going to be way too easy to conveniently forget that my goals and this blog even exist. i will try my hardest not to. i'm hoping that raising awareness in myself of possible failure will help me to stick to my plan a bit better. i am packing my shoes and my heart rate monitor. i already mapped out my 2 mile path. what more can i do for myself? it will take effort, and i'm afraid that that is the part that i'm usually not too good at.
short and sweet, but still plenty on my mind.
days remaining: 29
i keep looking ahead to our trip to minnesota in a few days, and it makes me a bit nervous. i am really going to have to stay focused. it is going to be way too easy to conveniently forget that my goals and this blog even exist. i will try my hardest not to. i'm hoping that raising awareness in myself of possible failure will help me to stick to my plan a bit better. i am packing my shoes and my heart rate monitor. i already mapped out my 2 mile path. what more can i do for myself? it will take effort, and i'm afraid that that is the part that i'm usually not too good at.
short and sweet, but still plenty on my mind.
another day ----> done!!
days remaining: 30 (only the month of september left, wow!!)
i have gotten several responses from loved ones about my blog. apparently i come off as really sad or depressed. the more i think about it, the more i realize that is indeed the case. i had been feeling really down in the dumps, really stuck where i was, and really helpless to change my position. so i started this blog and i set a few goals to better myself. i believe that this blog is helping me alot- not that i will ever be a scribe for rainbows and sunshine or anything... it gives me a chance to log not only my emotions, but also my accomplishments. i really don't give myself enough credit for the good that i do, and this blog is making me realize that. that said, despite my pessimistic nature (and apparently pessimistic writing style) i am quite content overall. i would really love to better myself, and right now i feel like sharing some of the sadder thoughts within me is really helping me grow. so fear not family and friends!! there is no need to check me into the psych ward just yet.
on a random note, why does it always seem that whenever there is an upcoming event my skin goes insane? i haven't broken out in weeks, and now that i am headed up to msp this weekend i am zits-a-go-go!! grrr.... hopefully with my diligent skin care (bless you proactiv) it will clear enough to look decent with makeup over it for the weekend. if not, i am seeing old friends who won't care one bit- they have certainly seen me in worse condition. (feel free to imagine scenarios here, chances are there's some truth in anything that might come to mind.) anyway, back to the workout at hand.
most people i know that workout on a regular basis much prefer to run/walk outside where the view changes. i am the exact opposite- give me an elliptical or treadmill any day. i love to just be in one spot, left with only my own mind to focus on (none of that scenery crap), jogging until my heart pounds heavy in my chest. i like to feel my body working. i think alot of people enjoy exercise only with some type of diversion, something that takes their mind off of the energy their bodies are using, to let the exercise part fade into the background. maybe it's because i am new to regular exercise, but i really revel in the motions that i go through. i like to hear my breathing get faster and feel my heart begin to really pump. i enjoy the heat radiating from my back and the tops of my legs as they propel me onward. the body is an amazing thing to behold; everything just clicking away, straining to better itself, incredible. i also really enjoy the monotony. it provides more of an escape for me than any nature path ever could.
i completed my 2 miles for today on the elliptical. i decided to jog in reverse for the first 15 minutes. it feels so good to use new muscles and switch things up just a bit. i can't seem to master the use of the arm poles while going backwards, so instead i just did some overhead presses while i trotted my distance away. i had originally wanted to go backwards for my entire workout today, but since that involved using muscles that hadn't moved in the last decade, i had a change of plans. the 15 minutes backward satisfied 1.20 miles, and i challenged myself to run the last 0.80 miles in only 5 minutes. whew!! that was hard, but i did it! i usually just walk and stretch for about 5 minutes after i finish on the elliptical, but this time i had to spend 10 to get my heart rate back down. it felt really good to go full out. my body can do alot more than i give it credit for.
someday i would like to be able to jog my 2 miles outside. i can do it on the ellptical just fine, but that doesn't translate to the same muscles in the real world. the pounding of your feet/knees on the pavement also takes it's toll. way back in high school i had gotten in pretty good shape by mistake by working over the summer at cline's garden center. i spent 40+ hours a week walking and carrying, and everything else physical that needed to be done. the summer between junior and senior years is the healthiest i have ever been, and i did it without even trying. in gym class senior year, i was able to run half a mile without any trouble. i want to get back to that. it seems like such a small goal when i have friends that are participating in half-marathons and whole marathons, but i have to start somewhere that makes sense for me. a few months ago getting up from the couch to walk to the fridge would have been considered an accomplishment!!
i am trying not to get ahead of myself, but i'm also trying to think of what goals i am going to set next. i realize that long-term goals don't work for me. that gives me too much time for leniency and excuses in the beginning. i think that a month-long goal works pretty well. i also can't quite decide if i want to start a whole new set of goals, or if i want to add another onto the set that i already have. hmmm.... deep thoughts.... i guess it doesn't matter since i have a whole month to get through before i need to worry about it.
woo hoo!! i completed my goal for the full 8 days that remained in august. now bring on september!!
i have gotten several responses from loved ones about my blog. apparently i come off as really sad or depressed. the more i think about it, the more i realize that is indeed the case. i had been feeling really down in the dumps, really stuck where i was, and really helpless to change my position. so i started this blog and i set a few goals to better myself. i believe that this blog is helping me alot- not that i will ever be a scribe for rainbows and sunshine or anything... it gives me a chance to log not only my emotions, but also my accomplishments. i really don't give myself enough credit for the good that i do, and this blog is making me realize that. that said, despite my pessimistic nature (and apparently pessimistic writing style) i am quite content overall. i would really love to better myself, and right now i feel like sharing some of the sadder thoughts within me is really helping me grow. so fear not family and friends!! there is no need to check me into the psych ward just yet.
on a random note, why does it always seem that whenever there is an upcoming event my skin goes insane? i haven't broken out in weeks, and now that i am headed up to msp this weekend i am zits-a-go-go!! grrr.... hopefully with my diligent skin care (bless you proactiv) it will clear enough to look decent with makeup over it for the weekend. if not, i am seeing old friends who won't care one bit- they have certainly seen me in worse condition. (feel free to imagine scenarios here, chances are there's some truth in anything that might come to mind.) anyway, back to the workout at hand.
most people i know that workout on a regular basis much prefer to run/walk outside where the view changes. i am the exact opposite- give me an elliptical or treadmill any day. i love to just be in one spot, left with only my own mind to focus on (none of that scenery crap), jogging until my heart pounds heavy in my chest. i like to feel my body working. i think alot of people enjoy exercise only with some type of diversion, something that takes their mind off of the energy their bodies are using, to let the exercise part fade into the background. maybe it's because i am new to regular exercise, but i really revel in the motions that i go through. i like to hear my breathing get faster and feel my heart begin to really pump. i enjoy the heat radiating from my back and the tops of my legs as they propel me onward. the body is an amazing thing to behold; everything just clicking away, straining to better itself, incredible. i also really enjoy the monotony. it provides more of an escape for me than any nature path ever could.
i completed my 2 miles for today on the elliptical. i decided to jog in reverse for the first 15 minutes. it feels so good to use new muscles and switch things up just a bit. i can't seem to master the use of the arm poles while going backwards, so instead i just did some overhead presses while i trotted my distance away. i had originally wanted to go backwards for my entire workout today, but since that involved using muscles that hadn't moved in the last decade, i had a change of plans. the 15 minutes backward satisfied 1.20 miles, and i challenged myself to run the last 0.80 miles in only 5 minutes. whew!! that was hard, but i did it! i usually just walk and stretch for about 5 minutes after i finish on the elliptical, but this time i had to spend 10 to get my heart rate back down. it felt really good to go full out. my body can do alot more than i give it credit for.
someday i would like to be able to jog my 2 miles outside. i can do it on the ellptical just fine, but that doesn't translate to the same muscles in the real world. the pounding of your feet/knees on the pavement also takes it's toll. way back in high school i had gotten in pretty good shape by mistake by working over the summer at cline's garden center. i spent 40+ hours a week walking and carrying, and everything else physical that needed to be done. the summer between junior and senior years is the healthiest i have ever been, and i did it without even trying. in gym class senior year, i was able to run half a mile without any trouble. i want to get back to that. it seems like such a small goal when i have friends that are participating in half-marathons and whole marathons, but i have to start somewhere that makes sense for me. a few months ago getting up from the couch to walk to the fridge would have been considered an accomplishment!!
i am trying not to get ahead of myself, but i'm also trying to think of what goals i am going to set next. i realize that long-term goals don't work for me. that gives me too much time for leniency and excuses in the beginning. i think that a month-long goal works pretty well. i also can't quite decide if i want to start a whole new set of goals, or if i want to add another onto the set that i already have. hmmm.... deep thoughts.... i guess it doesn't matter since i have a whole month to get through before i need to worry about it.
woo hoo!! i completed my goal for the full 8 days that remained in august. now bring on september!!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
the saga continues
days remaining: 31
it's hard to believe that tomorrow is the last day of august. i want to ask "where did the summer go?" but truth be told we didn't really have one. the weather has been very cool, and of late very rainy, although this weekend was quite sunny. i don't love the super hot weather, but it doesn't really bother me either. mainly i just stay in the house all day long, so the weather isn't much more than an added interest in the scenery that lies outside my window. but august coming to a close means that i am down to exactly 1 month of my 2-miles-each-day goal. today is my 8th consecutive day of exercise in a row! kind of... i haven't decided if today counts yet.
i started this morning with a weigh-in that i thought would lift my spirits, but instead it made me question whether or not any of this is worth it. i just keep getting fatter. granted, it was only an increase of 1.6 lbs, but i really thought that i would actally lose something. ryan tried to tell me that it's muscle. i'm pretty sure that you don't gain muscle mass that quickly. i'll look that up sometime. maybe i shouldn't, and just keep it as a lie i'm confortable telling myself. yeah.... muscle mass... that's it! i could chalk it up to water weight, but that too doesn't quite rid me of the sinking feeling that i have. in my excitement about meeting my exercise goal each day, i have started to ignore my healthy eating habits. nothing huge, but i have been known to put away a pint of haagen dazs in only a few days, and just yesterday i mentioned the oreos in my pantry. (they were delicious by the way.) i think those are the more likely culprit here, although it may be a combination of all three.
as just a quick update on my second goal of no mcdonald's, that has been a cakewalk! i haven't even been tempted to go. (hence the lack of mentioning any of this as an accomplishment in any previous posts.) normally it's my late night go-to, but since i have been grocery shopping pretty regularly, there are enough snacks in the house to tide me over. that, and these days i more often than not spend my evening on the elliptical instead of stuffing my face on the couch. that's a huge step in the right direction! i probably won't mention this goal again until either a) i mess up and eat at mcdonald's or b) i reach the end of september with no trouble at all.
but, back to the exercise portion of this discussion. i sit here watching the clock, totally unmotivated, trying to decide if i'm counting my adventure today as my 2 miles. i did indeed travel 2 miles, but i just don't feel like i have met my goal for the day. in my mind, when i made my daily distance goal, i meant that i would either walk outside or jog on the elliptical. but today i rode my bike. does that count? i'm not sure. i even went back to my first post on here to see what i wrote as my official goal statement and hoped it would help me define the situation a bit better. no luck. here's what i originally posted:
GOALS:
1) no mcdonald's until the end of september
2) i will "do" 2 miles everyday until the end of september, either elliptical or outside in our subdivision
hmmm.... i guess bike riding could count. mentally i wasn't including bike rides when i made these goals, but i did indeed "do" 2 miles outside in our subdivision today. so then why does counting my goal as met feel like such a lie? is it because i didn't wear my hear rate monitor? is it because my feet were pushing pedals up and down instead of pounding pavement? i can't quite figure it out. i should at least be able to count some of my goal as met since part-way back of the return trip my bike chain fell off, and i had to not only walk the bike, but also with trailer with audrey in it the last half mile to our house! let me say how badly that sucked!! i don't know, i can't shake the feeling that i'm cheating a bit.
that said, i have stuck to my goals thus far, and i refuse to let this day mar my accomplishments with it's hazy nature. henceforth let it be known that bike rides DON'T count in this challenge.
up to the elliptical i go. i still have 2 miles to finish today!
it's hard to believe that tomorrow is the last day of august. i want to ask "where did the summer go?" but truth be told we didn't really have one. the weather has been very cool, and of late very rainy, although this weekend was quite sunny. i don't love the super hot weather, but it doesn't really bother me either. mainly i just stay in the house all day long, so the weather isn't much more than an added interest in the scenery that lies outside my window. but august coming to a close means that i am down to exactly 1 month of my 2-miles-each-day goal. today is my 8th consecutive day of exercise in a row! kind of... i haven't decided if today counts yet.
i started this morning with a weigh-in that i thought would lift my spirits, but instead it made me question whether or not any of this is worth it. i just keep getting fatter. granted, it was only an increase of 1.6 lbs, but i really thought that i would actally lose something. ryan tried to tell me that it's muscle. i'm pretty sure that you don't gain muscle mass that quickly. i'll look that up sometime. maybe i shouldn't, and just keep it as a lie i'm confortable telling myself. yeah.... muscle mass... that's it! i could chalk it up to water weight, but that too doesn't quite rid me of the sinking feeling that i have. in my excitement about meeting my exercise goal each day, i have started to ignore my healthy eating habits. nothing huge, but i have been known to put away a pint of haagen dazs in only a few days, and just yesterday i mentioned the oreos in my pantry. (they were delicious by the way.) i think those are the more likely culprit here, although it may be a combination of all three.
as just a quick update on my second goal of no mcdonald's, that has been a cakewalk! i haven't even been tempted to go. (hence the lack of mentioning any of this as an accomplishment in any previous posts.) normally it's my late night go-to, but since i have been grocery shopping pretty regularly, there are enough snacks in the house to tide me over. that, and these days i more often than not spend my evening on the elliptical instead of stuffing my face on the couch. that's a huge step in the right direction! i probably won't mention this goal again until either a) i mess up and eat at mcdonald's or b) i reach the end of september with no trouble at all.
but, back to the exercise portion of this discussion. i sit here watching the clock, totally unmotivated, trying to decide if i'm counting my adventure today as my 2 miles. i did indeed travel 2 miles, but i just don't feel like i have met my goal for the day. in my mind, when i made my daily distance goal, i meant that i would either walk outside or jog on the elliptical. but today i rode my bike. does that count? i'm not sure. i even went back to my first post on here to see what i wrote as my official goal statement and hoped it would help me define the situation a bit better. no luck. here's what i originally posted:
GOALS:
1) no mcdonald's until the end of september
2) i will "do" 2 miles everyday until the end of september, either elliptical or outside in our subdivision
hmmm.... i guess bike riding could count. mentally i wasn't including bike rides when i made these goals, but i did indeed "do" 2 miles outside in our subdivision today. so then why does counting my goal as met feel like such a lie? is it because i didn't wear my hear rate monitor? is it because my feet were pushing pedals up and down instead of pounding pavement? i can't quite figure it out. i should at least be able to count some of my goal as met since part-way back of the return trip my bike chain fell off, and i had to not only walk the bike, but also with trailer with audrey in it the last half mile to our house! let me say how badly that sucked!! i don't know, i can't shake the feeling that i'm cheating a bit.
that said, i have stuck to my goals thus far, and i refuse to let this day mar my accomplishments with it's hazy nature. henceforth let it be known that bike rides DON'T count in this challenge.
up to the elliptical i go. i still have 2 miles to finish today!
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