thinking hard...

so, first and foremost, i accomplished by 2 miles today, and with record calorie burning at a whopping 181 in half an hour!!  this is feeling pretty good.  i had promised myself that i wouldn't worry about tracking my prgress via weigh-in except on sundays, but today i decided to jump on and just "see."  well, wasn't i suprised!!  it was midafternoon (usually my heaviest) and i hadn't really been keeping track of what i ate, and i was down about a pound from sunday!  what excellent news!!

days remaining:  36

but that is not what i feel like talking about tonight.  i spent a portion of my evening chatting on messenger with one of my closest friends.  she recently moved from minneapolis to albuquerque to be nearer to her family.  she has settled in pretty nicely and is happily and gainfully employed.  but....  she doesn't feel like that's the place she's meant to stay.  that really got me thinking about myself and my own situation.

as far as daily life goes, i couldn't be happier.  my husband is amazing, and has a wonderful job that allows me to stay at home full-time.  he works from our home as well, and while at first we were both a little nervous about how it would all work out with both of us home/together all the time, but we have found a good balance and are really happy that we both get to spend so much time with audrey.  the little world inside our home is perfect, what more can i say.  but....  something isn't right. 

i constantly find myself searching for where our next home would possibly be located.  i do very much hate the cookie cutter town home we are currently in, but it certainly serves our needs for the time being.  every time that i go to a new suburb, or drive a new route, i keep my eyes peeled, hoping to find my niche.  so far, no luck.

truth be told, i love being near my family.  i wish, as far as the people are concerned, that we all lived closer.  the hour and a half to my sister's is nearly unbearable sometimes.  having my mom 40 min away is wonderful, but i want her closer too.  my dad is still an hour away in my hometown, and trying to move even further away from me (but closer to my sister.)  i would love to see them all everyday.  there's no way anyone will be moving closer to me, it's just not feasible.  and, honestly, i don't want to live in harvard, union, or lake geneva.  (my brother lives in dallas, so he's not really in the picture in this case.)  when you get down to it, my heart is in minneapolis.  i loved living there.  i felt like it was my city.  i made many of my closest friends there, and i miss them terribly.  the only deterrant is the proximity to my mother-in-law in st paul.  and that is a SERIOUS deterrant.

i thought that moving back here from mpls to be closer to my family would make me happy.  it has just made me realize that no matter where i live, my family will be right by my side when i need them.  i get to see people a little more often than i would living in mn, but really not all that much.  somehow the 1-1½ hours is almost an insurmountable as the 6 from mpls.  i have no good friends nearby.  one of my best friends still lives an hour away, and i have only seen her twice in the 2 years i have been back.  that's probably less than i would see her if i lived further away!!  i think that ryan misses mn too.  all of his friends are still there also.  he just got a new job here in chicago that starts in 3 weeks.  needless to say, between that and the housing market, a move is not in our near future. 

i really wish that ryan was here to talk to.  i want to hear his thoughts on the subject.  melancholy night in the chicago suburbs.