days remaining: 34
5 days!! i have excercised for 5 days straight! it's been a LONG time since that has happened, although it has indeed previously happened (♪♫ once upon a dream...♪♫). it was a pretty easy day today, no strenuous resistance or anything. i was on a pretty tight schedule this evening. alas, my priorities are a bit skewed, but i had to squeeze in the workout between the new episode of ace of cakes, a shower, and the new episode of project runway. these are important things people!! i even crapped out on doing the dishes and finishing the load of laundry i had going to get my workout in- let me tell you how difficult those duties were to shirk....
on an unnaturally positive note, i have been feeling really good this week! i snuck another trip to the scale, and i think that i'm going to be pleased with the results when i weigh in on sunday. admittedly though, i have been cheating a little with ryan gone- treats keep me company when he's away. i found a new favorite ice cream: haagen dazs reserve, fleur de sel caramel. CARAMEL + SEA SALT = DELICIOUS! i am definitely a fan of the salty/sweet combination. it's really nice to know that because i have been working out more, a small dish of ice cream isn't going to reverse all my good work. treats may not be the healthiest thing, but it's not realistic for me to not include them in my diet. i am, after all, a dennis.
i am pretty excited about tomorrow too. audrey and i are headed to a playdate up in wisconsin, and my wonderful hubby comes home (albeit well after midnight)!!! this playdate has been in the planning since june and keeps getting put off for various reasons. if you were to look at my kitchen calendar for the month of august it is littered with playdates scheduled and then crossed off again. but, tomorrow is the day!! i love spending days with my friends, but it really chaps me to have to give up my afternoon nap to do it. i ♥♥♥ napping. if there were such a job as professional napper, i would be in heaven. i just hope that i keep up my energy enough (sans nap) to do my 2 miles tomorrow. no, no, no, no, NO! wrong!! i will do my 2 miles tomorrow without fail!!
(yawn) although just thinking about naps is making me sleepy. that, and it's nearly midnight.........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......
Showing posts with label weight loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weight loss. Show all posts
Thursday, August 27, 2009
whew!
well, the morose lingerings on a move back to minnesota from last night have past. it's amazing what pms can do to a person. as if i'm not insane enough on a normal day (normal also being a relative term), that one week really throws me over the edge. i did mention a possible move to ryan, and he explained to me all the things that i already knew (but didn't care to acknowledge in my pms-funk) about why we couldn't move any time in at least the next 5 years, as well as how miserable i would be if i were away from my family. all true, i must confess in my slightly more rational state.
sigh.... but, on to the current task at hand. my night kind of slipped away from me with a good cubbies game on tv and then a new episode of leverage. i found myself looking at 11:15pm on the clock and still 2 miles to go. i also desperately wanted to continue my reading of "the julie/julia project." so, my periodically present multi-tasking skills came in quite handy as i trotted along on the elliptical with book in hand. i decided that since i can't go very fast when i'm reading, i would try working out slowly at the highest resistance level. seriously, the tragedy that might have occured if i tried to go fast on the elliptical without holding on is epic! so.... 40 minutes and a bucket of sweat later, i completed my 2.05 miles for today with a whopping 231 calories burned!! i think it's been kind of fun seeing how much or how little of a workout you can give your body in a measly 2 mile walk.
days remaining: 35
because i want to get back to my book, that is it for tonight! over and out!!
sigh.... but, on to the current task at hand. my night kind of slipped away from me with a good cubbies game on tv and then a new episode of leverage. i found myself looking at 11:15pm on the clock and still 2 miles to go. i also desperately wanted to continue my reading of "the julie/julia project." so, my periodically present multi-tasking skills came in quite handy as i trotted along on the elliptical with book in hand. i decided that since i can't go very fast when i'm reading, i would try working out slowly at the highest resistance level. seriously, the tragedy that might have occured if i tried to go fast on the elliptical without holding on is epic! so.... 40 minutes and a bucket of sweat later, i completed my 2.05 miles for today with a whopping 231 calories burned!! i think it's been kind of fun seeing how much or how little of a workout you can give your body in a measly 2 mile walk.
days remaining: 35
because i want to get back to my book, that is it for tonight! over and out!!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
thinking hard...
so, first and foremost, i accomplished by 2 miles today, and with record calorie burning at a whopping 181 in half an hour!! this is feeling pretty good. i had promised myself that i wouldn't worry about tracking my prgress via weigh-in except on sundays, but today i decided to jump on and just "see." well, wasn't i suprised!! it was midafternoon (usually my heaviest) and i hadn't really been keeping track of what i ate, and i was down about a pound from sunday! what excellent news!!
days remaining: 36
but that is not what i feel like talking about tonight. i spent a portion of my evening chatting on messenger with one of my closest friends. she recently moved from minneapolis to albuquerque to be nearer to her family. she has settled in pretty nicely and is happily and gainfully employed. but.... she doesn't feel like that's the place she's meant to stay. that really got me thinking about myself and my own situation.
as far as daily life goes, i couldn't be happier. my husband is amazing, and has a wonderful job that allows me to stay at home full-time. he works from our home as well, and while at first we were both a little nervous about how it would all work out with both of us home/together all the time, but we have found a good balance and are really happy that we both get to spend so much time with audrey. the little world inside our home is perfect, what more can i say. but.... something isn't right.
i constantly find myself searching for where our next home would possibly be located. i do very much hate the cookie cutter town home we are currently in, but it certainly serves our needs for the time being. every time that i go to a new suburb, or drive a new route, i keep my eyes peeled, hoping to find my niche. so far, no luck.
truth be told, i love being near my family. i wish, as far as the people are concerned, that we all lived closer. the hour and a half to my sister's is nearly unbearable sometimes. having my mom 40 min away is wonderful, but i want her closer too. my dad is still an hour away in my hometown, and trying to move even further away from me (but closer to my sister.) i would love to see them all everyday. there's no way anyone will be moving closer to me, it's just not feasible. and, honestly, i don't want to live in harvard, union, or lake geneva. (my brother lives in dallas, so he's not really in the picture in this case.) when you get down to it, my heart is in minneapolis. i loved living there. i felt like it was my city. i made many of my closest friends there, and i miss them terribly. the only deterrant is the proximity to my mother-in-law in st paul. and that is a SERIOUS deterrant.
i thought that moving back here from mpls to be closer to my family would make me happy. it has just made me realize that no matter where i live, my family will be right by my side when i need them. i get to see people a little more often than i would living in mn, but really not all that much. somehow the 1-1½ hours is almost an insurmountable as the 6 from mpls. i have no good friends nearby. one of my best friends still lives an hour away, and i have only seen her twice in the 2 years i have been back. that's probably less than i would see her if i lived further away!! i think that ryan misses mn too. all of his friends are still there also. he just got a new job here in chicago that starts in 3 weeks. needless to say, between that and the housing market, a move is not in our near future.
i really wish that ryan was here to talk to. i want to hear his thoughts on the subject. melancholy night in the chicago suburbs.
days remaining: 36
but that is not what i feel like talking about tonight. i spent a portion of my evening chatting on messenger with one of my closest friends. she recently moved from minneapolis to albuquerque to be nearer to her family. she has settled in pretty nicely and is happily and gainfully employed. but.... she doesn't feel like that's the place she's meant to stay. that really got me thinking about myself and my own situation.
as far as daily life goes, i couldn't be happier. my husband is amazing, and has a wonderful job that allows me to stay at home full-time. he works from our home as well, and while at first we were both a little nervous about how it would all work out with both of us home/together all the time, but we have found a good balance and are really happy that we both get to spend so much time with audrey. the little world inside our home is perfect, what more can i say. but.... something isn't right.
i constantly find myself searching for where our next home would possibly be located. i do very much hate the cookie cutter town home we are currently in, but it certainly serves our needs for the time being. every time that i go to a new suburb, or drive a new route, i keep my eyes peeled, hoping to find my niche. so far, no luck.
truth be told, i love being near my family. i wish, as far as the people are concerned, that we all lived closer. the hour and a half to my sister's is nearly unbearable sometimes. having my mom 40 min away is wonderful, but i want her closer too. my dad is still an hour away in my hometown, and trying to move even further away from me (but closer to my sister.) i would love to see them all everyday. there's no way anyone will be moving closer to me, it's just not feasible. and, honestly, i don't want to live in harvard, union, or lake geneva. (my brother lives in dallas, so he's not really in the picture in this case.) when you get down to it, my heart is in minneapolis. i loved living there. i felt like it was my city. i made many of my closest friends there, and i miss them terribly. the only deterrant is the proximity to my mother-in-law in st paul. and that is a SERIOUS deterrant.
i thought that moving back here from mpls to be closer to my family would make me happy. it has just made me realize that no matter where i live, my family will be right by my side when i need them. i get to see people a little more often than i would living in mn, but really not all that much. somehow the 1-1½ hours is almost an insurmountable as the 6 from mpls. i have no good friends nearby. one of my best friends still lives an hour away, and i have only seen her twice in the 2 years i have been back. that's probably less than i would see her if i lived further away!! i think that ryan misses mn too. all of his friends are still there also. he just got a new job here in chicago that starts in 3 weeks. needless to say, between that and the housing market, a move is not in our near future.
i really wish that ryan was here to talk to. i want to hear his thoughts on the subject. melancholy night in the chicago suburbs.
Monday, August 24, 2009
another 2 miles down
well, 2.06 miles to be exact. my heart rate monitor watch said that i only burned 111 calories today, as opposed to yesterdays 122, even though i was keeping my heart rate much higher today. needless to say, i recalibrated the damn thing, so hopefully it will reflect my hard work a little better.
days remaining: 37
it was a strange day today. i actually looked forward to working out. i even turned off the tv early to come upstairs and jump on the elliptical for my half an hour. i spend a good portion of the afternoon not only mapping out a 2 mile loop to walk near my house, but also took the time to map out a 2 mile loop near my mother-in-laws house in st paul so i couldn't have any excuses when we went up for labor day weekend. who am i today?! it's amazing what a few workouts can do for you!! i didn't even feel like i needed to lay down when audrey did, but you can best be believin' that i did anyway. with that little peanut, even if i don't feel like i need rest at the time, i know i will regret not taking it later. ryan even wanted to go to mcdonald's for breakfast this morning as a treat, and i told him politely that i wouldn't be having anything. he's also participating in the "no mcd until the end of sept" goal, but i'm not going to keep track of him. what he eats is his own business. all i am going to do is try to set a good example and hope that like attracts like when it comes to eating habits. (apparently this is true, because he didn't go to mcd this morning for himself either.)
working out is such a personal thing. you can't nag someone into it if they don't want to. they might participate once or twice, but in the end they will quit if they aren't motivated within themselves. as much as i have enjoyed workout partners in the past (i miss my melissa dearly), but they have to be the one who pushes me. i don't do well in the "motivator" role. i will go if someone asks me, but if i am supposed to be getting someone off their butt, chances are the both of us will be sitting on the couch splitting a large sausage pizza and a package of double stufs. so.... knowing this about myself has made me realize that i'm better off alone in this department. that way there's no one to blame but myself if i quit. but i won't quit. not this time. it's only 37 more days- piece of cake!! (i'm trying to think positive, damn it!!)
on a different topic, i really want to get pregnant again. my feelings vascilate throughout the day, but overall, i am ready for another one. i felt great when i was pregnant. i think mostly because i wasn't so hard on myself. i didn't have to be perfect. i could just enjoy myself, enjoy my food, and put my feet up at night without an ounce of guilt instead of furiously cleaning. i worry that i won't be able to mange 2 kids all day, but i'd like to give it a try. i feel guilty at the thought of taking away audrey's time as an only child, but i think a sibling would be a great thing for her too. the thought of the actual birthing process freaks me out to no end, but once it becomes inevitable, it no longer bothers me. i'm also hoping that a pregnancy will keep me extra motivated. i ate terribly when i was carrying audrey, and am still paying for it today. i got severely dehydrated and spent a night in the hospital. a week later audrey was born, at 3.5 weeks early. i still blame myself and the lack of care that i took of myself for her early delivery. don't get me wrong, she is absolutely perfect and healthy, but i still feel those pangs when i look at her sometimes. i refuse to do that to another baby.
on yet another topic, i must say, i really like blogging. i thought it was stupid for the longest time. i didn't know why on earth i would ever need one, since i rarely have anything of substance to say. but somehow, it makes things more real to me. even though i had journaled periodically in the past, those thoughts were still for my eyes alone. i could make declarations and promises and they went completely unnoticed when broken. now, even though so far i am still my only audience, the possibility that someone else could see/read/know my thoughts and feelings gives me a sense of relief. a burden is lifted. there is also the added bonus of some accountability that i have mentioned previously. i hope that everyday for the next 37 days i write of my successes, and i hope to become a better person for them.
days remaining: 37
it was a strange day today. i actually looked forward to working out. i even turned off the tv early to come upstairs and jump on the elliptical for my half an hour. i spend a good portion of the afternoon not only mapping out a 2 mile loop to walk near my house, but also took the time to map out a 2 mile loop near my mother-in-laws house in st paul so i couldn't have any excuses when we went up for labor day weekend. who am i today?! it's amazing what a few workouts can do for you!! i didn't even feel like i needed to lay down when audrey did, but you can best be believin' that i did anyway. with that little peanut, even if i don't feel like i need rest at the time, i know i will regret not taking it later. ryan even wanted to go to mcdonald's for breakfast this morning as a treat, and i told him politely that i wouldn't be having anything. he's also participating in the "no mcd until the end of sept" goal, but i'm not going to keep track of him. what he eats is his own business. all i am going to do is try to set a good example and hope that like attracts like when it comes to eating habits. (apparently this is true, because he didn't go to mcd this morning for himself either.)
working out is such a personal thing. you can't nag someone into it if they don't want to. they might participate once or twice, but in the end they will quit if they aren't motivated within themselves. as much as i have enjoyed workout partners in the past (i miss my melissa dearly), but they have to be the one who pushes me. i don't do well in the "motivator" role. i will go if someone asks me, but if i am supposed to be getting someone off their butt, chances are the both of us will be sitting on the couch splitting a large sausage pizza and a package of double stufs. so.... knowing this about myself has made me realize that i'm better off alone in this department. that way there's no one to blame but myself if i quit. but i won't quit. not this time. it's only 37 more days- piece of cake!! (i'm trying to think positive, damn it!!)
on a different topic, i really want to get pregnant again. my feelings vascilate throughout the day, but overall, i am ready for another one. i felt great when i was pregnant. i think mostly because i wasn't so hard on myself. i didn't have to be perfect. i could just enjoy myself, enjoy my food, and put my feet up at night without an ounce of guilt instead of furiously cleaning. i worry that i won't be able to mange 2 kids all day, but i'd like to give it a try. i feel guilty at the thought of taking away audrey's time as an only child, but i think a sibling would be a great thing for her too. the thought of the actual birthing process freaks me out to no end, but once it becomes inevitable, it no longer bothers me. i'm also hoping that a pregnancy will keep me extra motivated. i ate terribly when i was carrying audrey, and am still paying for it today. i got severely dehydrated and spent a night in the hospital. a week later audrey was born, at 3.5 weeks early. i still blame myself and the lack of care that i took of myself for her early delivery. don't get me wrong, she is absolutely perfect and healthy, but i still feel those pangs when i look at her sometimes. i refuse to do that to another baby.
on yet another topic, i must say, i really like blogging. i thought it was stupid for the longest time. i didn't know why on earth i would ever need one, since i rarely have anything of substance to say. but somehow, it makes things more real to me. even though i had journaled periodically in the past, those thoughts were still for my eyes alone. i could make declarations and promises and they went completely unnoticed when broken. now, even though so far i am still my only audience, the possibility that someone else could see/read/know my thoughts and feelings gives me a sense of relief. a burden is lifted. there is also the added bonus of some accountability that i have mentioned previously. i hope that everyday for the next 37 days i write of my successes, and i hope to become a better person for them.
day 1
2 miles.... accomplished!!
days remaining: 38
i had wanted to go for a walk outside today (it was beautiful), but the family decided to head out in the afternoon instead. i honestly thought about NOT doing my 2 miles today, but i think that would be pretty sad to not even make your goals on the first day!! so there i was, puffing along on the elliptical at 11:30pm, studying a new cookbook that i aquired.
i can't decide if it's funny or sad that i am so out of shape that barely a trot gets my heart rate up into my target hr zone for burning fat. the only part of me that broke a sweat the entire time was my inner elbows from holding up the cookbook. but, even though i didn't feel like i was doing much at the time, i am feeling a surge of energy now, and i burned 122 calories!! a sad drop in the bucket in the long run, but it's a start, and that's 122 more calories than yesterday.
we have a trip upcoming to minneapolis for a wedding and to visit friends. i am a little nervous that i'll skip my walks. i won't have my computer with me to blog about it either. well, i may have the computer, but no internet to speak of. how can people live without it?! since i am aware of it now, perhaps with proper planning, i can map out a walking route. is there a website for that? hmmm...
with these mind-boggling thoughts i sign out for the evening. there are more new books to be read!!
days remaining: 38
i had wanted to go for a walk outside today (it was beautiful), but the family decided to head out in the afternoon instead. i honestly thought about NOT doing my 2 miles today, but i think that would be pretty sad to not even make your goals on the first day!! so there i was, puffing along on the elliptical at 11:30pm, studying a new cookbook that i aquired.
i can't decide if it's funny or sad that i am so out of shape that barely a trot gets my heart rate up into my target hr zone for burning fat. the only part of me that broke a sweat the entire time was my inner elbows from holding up the cookbook. but, even though i didn't feel like i was doing much at the time, i am feeling a surge of energy now, and i burned 122 calories!! a sad drop in the bucket in the long run, but it's a start, and that's 122 more calories than yesterday.
we have a trip upcoming to minneapolis for a wedding and to visit friends. i am a little nervous that i'll skip my walks. i won't have my computer with me to blog about it either. well, i may have the computer, but no internet to speak of. how can people live without it?! since i am aware of it now, perhaps with proper planning, i can map out a walking route. is there a website for that? hmmm...
with these mind-boggling thoughts i sign out for the evening. there are more new books to be read!!
Saturday, August 22, 2009
mixed feelings
they say you are your own worst critic. for me, that's definitely true. i am really hard on myself, but there are things in my life that need to change. my main focus right now is my weight. i have always been a bigger person, and that doesn't usually bother me, but after having my daughter, things have gotten way out of hand. i weigh the same 17 months after she was born as i did when i was full-term pregnant. like i said, out of hand! but it seems no matter how disgusted i am with myself i still can't find the motivation to change. i do well for a few days, but then i lose momentum, and go back to my old ways of midnight snacking and too large portions.
i caught a glimpse of myself stepping into the shower tonight (i usually try to avoid mirrors when naked) and i realized that i am miserable. downright miserable. the depression i feel in regards to my weight have now seeped into the other parts of my life, and i really am not ok with that. my husband tells me all the time that i'm a grouch, and it's true, i am. granted, it really doesn't help to hear, but it's true nonetheless. how do you not be grouchy when you are constantly disgusted with yourself?
i never gave my job credit for keeping me a reasonable size, but apparently it did. i used to stand at least 40 hours a week, now i barely move. i play alot with my daughter, but that really requires very little energy. i like the way exercising makes me feel. so..... accomplished! but somehow even recalling that feeling doesn't get me going in the right direction. i find excuses to not continue, or claim i'm too busy. frankly, i am exhausted at the end of the night, but i know full well that i wouldn't be if i would only exercise. i am a walking contradiction.
the most disappointing part is that i know better!! i know that eating that package of oreos at midnight is a terrible choice. i know watching tv because i'm exhausted instead of getting on the elliptical is not going to get me feeling better. but somehow, i still choose to not use the resources that are available to me. i have videos. i have weights. i have an elliptical. i have calorie tracking software and a beautiful new computer. i even just bought a wii fit! it doesn't seem to matter.
my biggest fear is that i will get pregnant again and i will keep all the weight on from that pregnancy too. we are actively trying right now for baby #2. i could be pregnant this very moment, but it's too soon to tell. i want to do better for my children. i want to do better for myself.
so, as of today, i am choosing to write a blog. a blog about me. my feelings, my weight, anything. i am choosing to start with the weight. i just went to see "julie & julia" last night with my mom and sister, and i was a bit inspired. (hence the blog.) i want to set some goals for myself, and i want to do it on here. they are going to be small goals to start, but that's ok.
GOALS:
1) no mcdonald's until the end of september
2) i will "do" 2 miles everyday until the end of september, either elliptical or outside in our subdivision
that's it! my simple goals. only 2 to start with, but i think they will be a good start, a start i'm comfortable with. secretly i find myself hoping that lots of people will follow this blog. i am also hoping that i am invisible. that is me: a mixed bag of crazy. nonetheless, here i go.
i caught a glimpse of myself stepping into the shower tonight (i usually try to avoid mirrors when naked) and i realized that i am miserable. downright miserable. the depression i feel in regards to my weight have now seeped into the other parts of my life, and i really am not ok with that. my husband tells me all the time that i'm a grouch, and it's true, i am. granted, it really doesn't help to hear, but it's true nonetheless. how do you not be grouchy when you are constantly disgusted with yourself?
i never gave my job credit for keeping me a reasonable size, but apparently it did. i used to stand at least 40 hours a week, now i barely move. i play alot with my daughter, but that really requires very little energy. i like the way exercising makes me feel. so..... accomplished! but somehow even recalling that feeling doesn't get me going in the right direction. i find excuses to not continue, or claim i'm too busy. frankly, i am exhausted at the end of the night, but i know full well that i wouldn't be if i would only exercise. i am a walking contradiction.
the most disappointing part is that i know better!! i know that eating that package of oreos at midnight is a terrible choice. i know watching tv because i'm exhausted instead of getting on the elliptical is not going to get me feeling better. but somehow, i still choose to not use the resources that are available to me. i have videos. i have weights. i have an elliptical. i have calorie tracking software and a beautiful new computer. i even just bought a wii fit! it doesn't seem to matter.
my biggest fear is that i will get pregnant again and i will keep all the weight on from that pregnancy too. we are actively trying right now for baby #2. i could be pregnant this very moment, but it's too soon to tell. i want to do better for my children. i want to do better for myself.
so, as of today, i am choosing to write a blog. a blog about me. my feelings, my weight, anything. i am choosing to start with the weight. i just went to see "julie & julia" last night with my mom and sister, and i was a bit inspired. (hence the blog.) i want to set some goals for myself, and i want to do it on here. they are going to be small goals to start, but that's ok.
GOALS:
1) no mcdonald's until the end of september
2) i will "do" 2 miles everyday until the end of september, either elliptical or outside in our subdivision
that's it! my simple goals. only 2 to start with, but i think they will be a good start, a start i'm comfortable with. secretly i find myself hoping that lots of people will follow this blog. i am also hoping that i am invisible. that is me: a mixed bag of crazy. nonetheless, here i go.
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